Well, it was bound to happen, wasn’t it? Here I was, enjoying my adventure in Norway, learning my way around Sandefjord, getting used to living amongst a new language, feeling good-natured and fascinated by everything that was new and different and exciting. It was good, and I was starting to think, “Hmm, this is going to be okay,” and then, WHAM! I got smacked in the face with the cold reality that living in a new place holds surprises that are not all fun and exciting. For instance, Norwegian driving laws.

Like most things in my life, I learned about them the hard way.

I had just dropped my husband at Torp airport, as he was leaving for a week-long business trip back in the U.S. It was around 5:45am and I driving our new (well, used but new to us) Norwegian car for the very first time, as we had only purchased it the day before. A diesel Ford Focus with a zippy little engine, I was enjoying my virgin venture on the E18, the highway into Sandefjord, even though I was, admittedly, suffering a bit of too-early-morning grogginess. There were no other cars on the road and I was looking forward to another cup of coffee at home when I was suddenly startled by a brilliant flash of red light as I passed under an overpass. Holy batshit, what was that? Another meteor hitting Norway? If only, because it soon dawned on me that I’d just been “captured” by a speed camera! Damn! My eyes swept to the speedometer and I saw I was doing 90 kph---was that wrong? 90 kph is, um, just about 55 mph, and I’m on a highway---how could that be wrong? And then I saw a sign indicating the speed limit was 80 kph. That’s 50 mph, on a main highway! Are they f-ing kidding me? No wonder I didn’t realize I was speeding---because I WASN’T! What kind of stupid maximum speed is 50 mph?

So I started to panic a little, thinking we just bought the car, we just signed on for insurance, and now I have a speeding ticket. What was going to happen? But then I thought, “Well, I was only doing 11 kph over the limit, which is less than 7 mph, so how bad could that be? That’s like getting pulled over in the States doing 76 in a 70; that wouldn’t be a big fine, would it? So, okay, no need to panic, let’s everyone calm down and see what happens.”

Well, here is what happened:

For those of you who don’t have a Norwegian/English dictionary handy, I’ll kindly translate. This notice says, “Gibberish, blah, blah, 2600 kroner, blah, gibberish, blah.”

ARRRRGG! Again, are they kidding me? 2600 kroner!! That’s $420! OMG! My panic turned to anger which turned to bitterness and is still festering. I mean, isn’t that a little excessive? Yes, I was speeding, I made a mistake, but it was such a small mistake! I can’t believe I have to pay $420 because I was going 6.8 mph over the ridiculously low speed limit of 50 mph on a H-I-G-H-W-A-Y. I mean, the E18 is not a small country road---it’s the main roadway between Oslo and the south; it’s like the 101 between San Francisco and Los Angeles. It’s a major vein of traffic in a well-populated area. And, yet, it has a speed limit of 50 mph. Have you ever heard of anything so strange and idiotic?

And, just in case you think I’m being crass and unreasonable, let me assure you I do not swim alone in my pool of rancor. Please read the following letter sent to

Aftenposten, the popular English-language Norwegian newspaper:

I have been holidaying in Norway for many years now, often for a month at a time, and used to enjoy driving either by car or motorbike around your beautiful country. Alas, the time has come to say "enough is enough."
The reason, your draconian motoring laws. You can only travel as fast as the road safely allows you to, but in reality, your speed limits are too low, and your fines for speeding are way too high. By travelling too slowly you are in fact putting lives in danger, motorists find themselves frustrated, and this leads to risks being taken, also fatigue sets in by sheer boredom, motoring on a relatively clear long road at 60 kph when in fact it would be just as safe to be going at 110 kph is just ridiculous.

I am a law-abiding person, not a drugs dealer, but take offence at the ridiculous fines which can be dished out to a motorist. I wish to enjoy my motoring holiday, not to endure a huge fine for travelling at a speed which in any other country would be regarded as perfectly normal. Oh, and can you tell me why, (overtaking forbidden rule) a car can overtake a motorbike, but a motorbike cannot overtake a car?

I think this year I will be holidaying in Sweden.

Ken James, Bournemouth, England

Well, Mr. Ken James of Bournemouth, England, I couldn’t have said it better myself. How much was your fine, I wonder? I also wonder, what are the driving laws like in Sweden? Presumably, a motorbike can overtake a car?

One of the most ironic aspects of my new understanding of Norwegian speed limits is that Norwegians spend crazy amounts of money buying very luxurious and very fast cars. At least in Sandefjord, you can’t spit without hitting the latest model of a BMW, Mercedes, Peugeot, or Renault, and these are very expensive cars here. For example, a used, low-mileage BMW 325i sedan that you could get in San Francisco for around $35K will cost you more than twice that in Norway. Now, why would you spend that kind of cabbage on a car that you can only drive 50 mph on the highway? Someone, please tell me why?

Probably because they’re driving it 80 mph through town and on all of the side roads that don’t have speed cameras. Oh, yes, did I forget to mention? The speed cameras that I’ve seen are all on that one main highway, the E18. So if you want to get your money’s worth out of the car you just paid out the wazoo for, just turn off the E18 and speed like a madman along any one of dozens of smaller, narrower roads. Where people also bicycle. And where houses stand just three meters from the road’s edge. And where a moose might be roaming. This makes so much sense.

Or maybe, like my buddy Ken James, Norwegians are getting their motoring pleasure in Sweden. They seem to get everything else in Sweden. More about that later….